Conspiracy!

Satiricus has a soft spot for Tacama A-gonsay-so. The fella always says it like he sees it. The problem was that what he ‘saw’ was always so outlandish that poor Satiricus as always wondered whether they lived in the same planet, much less the same country. Take that time he defended the gunmen in Buxton who were gunning down people left, right and centre. “Freedom fighters” he called them! Now he claimed the ‘harassment’ of his old comrade David Hands couldn’t be ‘random’. It had to be a conspiracy. By the government, of course.
“A-gon-say-so is me friend, aaright?” Cappo smiled. “Remember when he call Kiss Soon ‘racist’ when he condemn dem Freedom Fighter?”
“The man tells it as he sees it!” replied Satiricus. “He even took on his old teacher Kwa Wana for the gunmen. He tell Kwayana he didn’t know his a** from his elbow!”
“Well you got to hand it to the man,” pointed out Hari. “He said he agreed with everything Hands said.”
“Of course, de man guh agree wid Hands,” replied Cappo. “Before de election he bin call pan de army and police fuh support deh people when deh come out to throw out de government.” “And Hinds seh de same thing when he call pan Buxton people fuh dig up de road!” finished up his old cane-cutting pal Bungi.
“But ah think A-gon-say-so getting paranoid in his old age,” said Suresh. “Is what he talking about conspiracy? The man letter take up a whole page in the Stabber news. I couldn’t even start reading!”
“Well, A-gon-say-so complained de police following Hands all about the place,” said Teacher Samad, who presumably could plough through the letter.
“Man, wha schupidness yuh deh pan,” complained Cappo. “If Hands call fuh throw out de government by ‘any means necessary’ before Christmas, wha yuh want de police fuh do?”
“A-gon-say-so must have figured that Rod Knee come back!!” laughed Kuldeep. “These fellas could be getting senile you know, not paranoid. Maybe they think it’s 1979.”
“And the Kabaka ruling?” snorted Samad. “He woulda thrown their behinds in jail right away.”
“Well he said, the people who break into Hands’ home and thief his stuff got to be sent by the government,” pointed out Kuldeep.
“You mean you could finish the letter?” asked Suresh in amazement.
“OK, I took the paper to the toilet this morning,” confessed Kuldeep. “I had a hard time. Not only with the letter!” “Suh dem na know which thief man bruk in dem house, but is de government?” demanded Cappo. “Suh if the wind blow down he house is de government send de wind?”
“All right… All right,” interrupted Hari. “But what about someone who call Hands’ school and tell them Hands preaching revolution down here?”
“Bai, yuh think de government na gat better things fuh do?” asked Cappo. “Musse be A- gon-say-so heself. Nobody listening to he. Suh he want Hands fuh get knock off and de two a dem gon start revolution in Guyana.”
“De government should throw de two a dem in jail,” suggested Bungi forcefully. “Dis is no country for old men like dem!”